924Board.org

[Keaton]

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY:


1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT
A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.

2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.

3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT FRIES
WITH HAT.

4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN BOX"

5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN
OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.

6. IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL YOUR CHECKS, WRITE "FOR SMUGGLING DIAMONDS".

7. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."

8. DON'T USE ANY PUNCTUATION!

9. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.

10. ORDER DIET WATER WITH A SERIOUS FACE WHENEVER YOU GO OUT TO EAT.

11. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO."

12. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.

13. GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME.

14. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA AND PLAY TROPICAL SOUNDS ALL DAY.

15. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR
PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.

16. HAVE YOUR CO-WORKERS ADDRESS YOU BY YOUR WRESTLING NAME, ROCK
BOTTOM.

17. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON! I WON!"

18. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"

19. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER. "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."

20. HEAD EVERY EMAIL WITH "I'M THINKING OF COMMITING SUICIDE..."

[timstar92404]

what about eating a tomato like it's an apple.
_________________
78 924 sold.
85.5 944

[Slam]

21: Delve into the mysteries, frustrations and poverty of Porsche ownership. Then tell everyone you really wanted a Ferrari.
_________________
'84 944 - kid blew motor
'83 944 - resting comfortably. For 12 years
'87 944 - sideswiped by trucker
'80 924 - gone
'78 924 - gone
'77 924 - rusting comfortably

[Rukh]

50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator


1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex
to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:
"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of
the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear
yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the
doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol
coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it
stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the
shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
announce: "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:
"Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occassionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're
one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for
them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers
"through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your
beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see
wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
body."
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
_________________
Josh, CPN

[Paul]

Having had enough to drink we managed to squeeze into a crowded elevator.

The elevator announced in a lady's voice: "Going down".

One of my buddies muttered: "ON ME!"
_________________
White 87 924S "Ghost"
Silver 98 986 3.6l 320 HP "Frank N Stein"
White 01 986 "Christine"
Polar Silver 02 996TT. "Turbo"
Owned and repaired 924s since 1977
Porsche: It's not driving, it's therapy.