924Board.org

Ozzie · Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 12:55 pm Post subject:

Now, we all like to have a shot at the Kiwi's.
try this:
http://www.wror.com/audio/BuyingaSheepTonight.mp3
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

Ozzie · Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 10:17 pm Post subject:

THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE WORK ON YOUR OWN VEHICLES WILL UNDERSTAND FULLY ALL OF THESE.

TECHNICIANS
Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are used commonly by technicians, and an explanation of what they actually mean…
STUFFED
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future
F**KED
Terminally stuffed
F**K ME DEAD
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn’t really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment
F**K IT ALL
An expression that follows the tingling sound of a miniature spring or cir-clip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn’t see where it came from, where it went to, and have no idea what it looks like
F**KING BLOODY F**K
An expression used after 2 full days reassembling and mechanical aligning to find that an extremely fundamental part is still sitting under the workshop bench
HOLY BLOODY SHIT
The expression used immediately after stripping the thread or hexagon off a small bolt and the remembering it had a left hand thread
SHIT, F**K, SHIT
The technical term denoting full understanding that the thing you have just dropped into the bowels of the machine is not only critical to the machine’s operation, but is completely beyond retrieval
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT
Something weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT
Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger
HOW THE F**K ?
Often used to indicate that the designers of the machine might have done something a bit differently
BLOODY F**K
Somebody please find a first aid kit
HOLY F**KING SHIT
This is a 440 volt circuit, and I think I’ve forgotten to isolate it
BUGGER BLOODY F**K
You see a severed 200 cable wiring harness and reach an immediate understanding of why the equipment rack required extra force to close it
NOTE: if the word ‘Holy’ is used in conjunction with this expression, it means that all 200 wires in the harness are the same colour
F**KING DAMN SHIT
I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron
F**KING BLOODY DAMN
A general phrase indicating minor irritation
HOLY BLOODY F**K
My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200 horsepower motor and I can’t reach the power switch
BUGGER, F**K, DAMN
An indication of full acceptance that the final, binding quote given to the customer omitted the 1800 parts content of the job
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

Ozzie · Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2005 7:28 am Post subject:

For the Yanks:
The 23rd Qualm
Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.

He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.

He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.

He restoreth my fears.

He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace for his ego's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,

I will find no exit, for thou art in office.

Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.

Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the presence of thy religion.

Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.

My health insurance runneth out.

Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me all the days of thy term,

And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

teo · Joined: 07 Sep 2001 Posts: 637 Location: Hungary, Europe

http://baitcar.com/videos

Stupid bastards

BTW good idea, but my all time favourite is the dutch police, they've sent out letters to looked after criminals that they've won something (TV, stereo, etc) on some sort of a draw, and when the criminals showed up to collect it, it was an easy catch.

Paul · Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 1:13 pm Post subject:

New excuse for speeding. "honest officer I thought they were real!"

Vince Ponz · Joined: 02 Nov 2002 Posts: 3581 Location: Florida

Thats what you get for urinating on your neighbors car.
_________________
"Never let them see you sweat"
77.5 924 modified track car
79 931 Euro stock
88 924S SE
87 911 Targa stock

Ozzie · Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2005 6:27 pm Post subject:

Teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.
Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles
and my Mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a
bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice,
"Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and
my Dad says it will take the contagious.
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

teo · Joined: 07 Sep 2001 Posts: 637 Location: Hungary, Europe

OK, this one is for real, happened today at work to a friend of mine:

The expert big face project member software engineer guy asked how to kill the "Idle process" in Win, because it's taking up the processor time.

Duh

numbbers · Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 9:09 am Post subject:

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big tits."
_________________
1980 924 Turbo

Paul · Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 9:24 am Post subject:

Ozzie · Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 9:59 am Post subject:

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone ring and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?" she replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wall Mart?"
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

kaffine · Joined: 13 Jun 2003 Posts: 644 Location: Las Vegas

Ozzie · Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 8:34 am Post subject:

An new version of an old one

http://www.wror.com/audio/panties.mp3
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

kaffine · Joined: 13 Jun 2003 Posts: 644 Location: Las Vegas

One of our good looking parts girls asked me whats up.

My reply, My dick now that you are here:)

Her reply, If I can't tell that without asking your to small for me:)
_________________
80 924
80 931

The best desciption of an atom boils down to something unknown is doing we don't know what.
Sir Arthur Eddington

Ozzie · Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 2:34 pm Post subject:

Another good un
http://www.wror.com/audio/DonaldtheCoroner.mp3
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance