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DOCO · Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 12:08 am Post subject:

*A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist , gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?

'No,' the woman replied. 'Divorce attorney'*
_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
_______
/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

Joes924Racer · Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:43 am Post subject:

As a boy climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
_________________
1979 porsche 924 Na
1980 porsche Turbo 931GT Replica
Have u ever driven a turbo.

Joes924Racer · Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 9:00 am Post subject:

No offense rednecks...though i recieved this in my e-mail today...

Its called "REDNECK SEAFOOD DINNER !"

_________________
1979 porsche 924 Na
1980 porsche Turbo 931GT Replica
Have u ever driven a turbo.

Joes924Racer · Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 8:12 pm Post subject:

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!
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_________________
1979 porsche 924 Na
1980 porsche Turbo 931GT Replica
Have u ever driven a turbo.

mgatlag · Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 647 Location: Avon, IN

For all the Aussies.....I love it.

The thing about Australians is that their hearts and humour are always in the right place!

T. B. Bechtel, a part-time City Councilman from Newcastle, NSW was asked on a local live radio talk show just what he thought of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners.His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT:

'If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's nuts to a car battery will save just one Australians life, then I have just three things to say,'

Red is positive, Black is negative, and Make sure his nuts are wet.
_________________
Michael
'77 1/2 924 N/A- 5 speed Audi box
'04 Ford Taurus - gone!!
'92 Jeep Cherokee Laredo - gone!!

Porsche... better than tea with Miss McGill
(Slap Shot)

Ozzie · Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:14 am Post subject:

T. B. Bechtel - urban legend. funny though.

the story gets changed regularly.
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/b/bubba.htm
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Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

Rich H · Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:27 am Post subject:

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.
He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the cheeky little beggar. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bum, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first
_________________
1994 Lotus Esprit S4 - Work in progress...
1980 Porsche 924 S2 DITC Turbo - Original spec
1978 Homo-Sapiens - Tired spec
1953 Landrover S1 - Pensioner Spec

DOCO · Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 2:22 am Post subject:

ROTFLMFAO!!!

_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
_______
/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

Joes924Racer · Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 6:30 pm Post subject:

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies ?
Snowballs

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
_________________
1979 porsche 924 Na
1980 porsche Turbo 931GT Replica
Have u ever driven a turbo.

daveo · Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 183 Location: GB

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'!
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

daveo · Joined: 02 Sep 2005 Posts: 183 Location: GB

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

DOCO · Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2008 1:36 am Post subject:

SOME christmas jockularity

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

"men are like a fine wine,we start out as grapes,and its up to the women to stomp the crap out of us untill we are something acceptable to have dinner with!"Dave Barry
_________________
Doco "where am i going and why am i in this handbasket"author unknown
79 924 N/A "Webster"
_______
/______\
[+]___[+]
\0 924 0/
[__]..[__]
"WEBB STR"

dpw928 · Joined: 02 Nov 2002 Posts: 1860 Location: owasso, ok 74055

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and
developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the
temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked
his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most
exciting innovation in the auto industry s ince the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead
asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned
on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he
offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they
wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on
the dash board of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no
way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and finally agreed on $4
million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on
the controls.

So, now you know...

Dennis
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81 931 5 sp
78 928 5 sp Silver
78 928 AT Euro Black

N-Dub · Posted: Thu Jan 01, 2009 4:33 am Post subject:

^^ Is that legit?? ^^
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'79 924 now Totaled! Carrera GT bodywork for sale!
'87 951

dpw928 · Joined: 02 Nov 2002 Posts: 1860 Location: owasso, ok 74055

No, but it makes a good story.

IIRC Frigidaire put the first AC's in US autos.

Dennis
_________________
81 931 5 sp
78 928 5 sp Silver
78 928 AT Euro Black