924Board.org

[Ozzie]

The next time you find yourself on a plane, sitting next to someone who can't resist chattering to you endlessly, boring you sh*tless,
I urge you to quietly pull your laptop out of your bag, carefully open the screen (ensuring the irritating person next to you can clearly see it),
and then... hit this link...
http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf
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Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[Khal]

Very, very funny.
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'80 924 Turbo

[Ozzie]

http://www.glumbert.com/media/policebeat
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Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[morghen]

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa Consul : What is your name? Arab: Abdul Aziz Consul: Sex? Arab : Six to ten times a week Consul: I mean, male or female? Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels. Consul: Holy cow! Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!! Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile? Arab : Horse style, dog style, any style Consul: Oh..........dear! Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!
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Supercharger and EFI kits
https://www.the924.com

[arx]

A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO . It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man moans and replies, "Yes, Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

[Rasta Monsta]

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice..

Sincerely,


Dick van Dyke"
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Toofah King Bad

• WeiBe (1987 924S 2.5t) - 931 S3

[Ozzie]

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Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[Ozzie]

A 75-year-old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count.

The Dr. gave him a jar, sent him home and told him to bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day, the old man returned to the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this.... First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.

We even called up Arlene, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbour!!??"


The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what all three of us tried, with our arthritis, we still couldn't get the jar open."
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Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[morghen]

http://www.carrollco.com/techsheet/944ts.pdf




_________________
Supercharger and EFI kits
https://www.the924.com

[tj924]

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to Take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I Politely said, "This is Simon. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled " You're an C*nt!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a C*nt!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'C*nt' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!" One day I was at Redbank Plains Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Gemini panel van cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Gemini C*nt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Gemini for sale?"

Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Camira. It's a timber house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a C*nt!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea.

I called C*nt #1.

"Hello."
"You're a C*nt!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Steve Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "C*nt, I live at 129 Alice Street, Camira, a timber house, with my gunmetal grey Gemini parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, C*nt," and hung up.

Then I called C*nt #2.

"Hello?" he said. "Hello, C*nt," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Camira, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down to Alice Street, Camira. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works...
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TJ
Silver '82 924 NA 5-Speed Manual

[Vince Ponz]

As you know I am leaving NY for a foreign country. I keep getting phone calls from shipping companies. I get about 5 a day.

I changed my outgoing message to................

Hello..........pause as if I cannot hear them
I repeat Hello...............pause
I then say could you speak up I cannot hear you...............pause
I then repeat it again...........I cannot hear you.
finally I say please leave a message I am not home now.

When I play back the phone calls you can't stop laughing because all the callers are yelling their names, companies and it is being recorded
cursing.
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"Never let them see you sweat"
77.5 924 modified track car
79 931 Euro stock
88 924S SE
87 911 Targa stock

[pocketscience]

Q uickies
A vailable
N ow in
T oilet
A sk
S taff


(in case you missed it)
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Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about Porsche!
81 924 N/A, GTS lights, Saratoga, interior, headers, Integral cam, EFI (sold)
95 993
69 911

[Paul]

It had to start sometime:

http://www.michaelhodges.com/hillary.html
_________________
White 87 924S "Ghost"
Silver 98 986 3.6l 320 HP "Frank N Stein"
White 01 986 "Christine"
Polar Silver 02 996TT. "Turbo"
Owned and repaired 924s since 1977
Porsche: It's not driving, it's therapy.

[Ozzie]

While in China, Fred is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells Fred to return in two days for the results. Fred returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you --- you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."Fred looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." Fred screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion. The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice." The next day, Fred seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease." Fred says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!" Oh, Thank goodness!" Fred replies "Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Fawr off by itself! You save money."
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

[Ozzie]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toheaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I
will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey" Miraculously, a parking place appeare d.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said , "I do Father."
the priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians".
Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney.
Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" Yes, I >>>>saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

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An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's br eath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the
car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

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Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.
" Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he
landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?" Flynn said,
"Why you say such a mean thing? " Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house,
it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly...
..it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
_________________
Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance