924Board.org

[alxch1n15]

Well, at least I
1: dont have timstar's luck
2: have three running cars
3: dont have timstar's problems.

Sorry timstar, I really dont mean that, I just had to put it out there though. But your luck with cars really has sucked...I feel your pain.
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'81 924 n/a

[doomer77]

please dont ignore her without giving a reason and a good explanation, its the worst thing the person you love can do to you. know this as im currently going through it, being ignored that is..

so talk to her and give her the nicests reasons for you wanting to breaking off contact and make sure (if possible) that she understands, then when that is done you can start ignoring her if she continues

ps. just remember that love is 100% replaceable, just need to find a new one
_________________
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?
Carpe diem. and if that doesnt work; get drunk!

1980 924 n/a - engine swap begun
1989 Volvo 480ES

[alxch1n15]

its not me who is ignoring her, Doomer, I understand what you're talking about though. Being ignored sucks. She began by blocking me from AOL and what not, and eventually from everything else. I am simply reacting to her inability to appreciate our relationship. For too long she has taken for granted how much I do love/care for her. By no means did I ever want to lose her from my life, have to ignore her when she needed me, but when she chooses to ignore me first, and then come back, I can't keep doing that...in nearly any capacity.

I can have fun, forget about her for awhile, and her response is that she is 'jealous of the people who can go out and have fun' Thank you Facebook status messages. Or she is, lonely and has no one. I don't know if she realizes that she is the one who pushed me away, not the other way around. Actually I'm sure she's thinking it, but won't let it be reality.
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'81 924 n/a

[flosho]

Solution: Take the 924 out for a nite and have a good time...
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[This Space For Rent]

[skemcin]

I guess if I had to offer my $.02 I would challenge you to figure out why you still have feelings for her? Why are you still attracted to being her friend or why you would want a committed relationship. I'm not asking what you would get out of it, but what the both of you gain from either one of the relationships. A relationship is not about you or about her, its about the both of you. If, as a couple, you cannot move forward into a better place, then avoid a relationship. Everyone has their share of issues, underneath all of them are the person everyone really wants to be. If you can see that in her and you feel that being in a relationship works more to bring her to, rather than away, from that point - then get in that relationship. Otherwise, this has friendship (limited at that) written all over it.

Two more points. One, as long as any of your "disagreements" do not end in personal attacks you should be able to manage the differences each other have. When arguments get personal inn more frequency, it becomes dangerous. Think about how you treat each other when you were in a relationship - did you talk and leave differences any different than if the same disagreement was with your best friend? Would you still have a best friend if you discussed things they way you did/do/will in a relationship with her?

Secondly, I've come to the conclusion that everyone has a common denominator - for a lack of better terms. Mine is "understanding" and my wife's is "trust". This is to say that EVERYTHING that makes you happy is exactly the same thing that makes you sad/upset. If i understand something, I am happier than a pig on shit. If I do not understand something, I become aggitated and frustrated. Same with my wife, if she can trust that something is going to get done (by anyone or anything), then she is happy. But if there is anything that leads her to not completely trust that something will get done, then she can become upset and frustrated as well. EVERY happy or frustrating situation in your life can be broken down to that one word (trust, understanding, respect, adoptability, etc.) - sometimes its right there, other times you really have to challenge yourself to see it. You might say I am "trust" and "respect" but you either demand respect so you can trust someone or you respect someone because you trust them - for example. My brother, is adaptive. If he is able to adapt to a situation, then he is happy.l If he is not able to adapt to something and is faced with too much definition, he becomes frustrated. He realized this when he considered moving to Atlanta - he gave deep though into the things he and his family would have ot adapt to (new friends, no family, new job, different weather, etc.) In the end, he lived in Atlanta for more than 5 years - needless to say, the chance to move back required very little thought - he knew it would be an easier adjustment to adapt to. All in all, you have to dig deep to figure it out.

Having said that, my first suggestion would be to figure that out for the both of you. If you can live with accommodating her common denominator as I can life with maintaining or catering to my wife's need for trust, AND she can do the same for your common denominator, then a relationship can be very healthy to you both.

Just keep in mind, you want to see the long term benefit of the couple, not the individuals that create it.
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924.org (no time to complete)
9249206346 - 89k – new shifter bushings, belts, running well.
9249206347 - 8k – waiting its resurrection, no power at the fuel pump and fuse #7 blows w/power

[alxch1n15]

The long term benefit would have been great, we both wanted the same things, really. The problem is that she ended up not trusting me, for whatever reason, not having repsect for me, for whatever reason, and not being able to tell me the truth, for whatever reason again. I feel as though I was in a happy place, where no improvements needed to be made. However, she didn't tell me her feelings, she wouldnt show me kindness in situations where she should have, and other things. I felt as though I trusted her, and she could trust me, that she was secure with the relationship, and that she could come to me when she needed help. However, all of these things weren't true. Whenever we would have a debate about something, like politics or something stupid that someone did, she would take immediate offence, any criticism of something that I disliked, or didn't think highly of, and that she saw in herself, she would take as criticism, and I would hear about it two hours later when she would run upstairs crying. For one, I wouldnt know that she was thinking that, and even though she thought it, it usually was never true. Its hard to tell her something that I believe is true, like how I felt about her beauty, but she would never believe. She wasnt secure, she wouldnt seek me out for help, she didnt trust me. I mean, in these senses, yes, friendship should be what we strive for.
I dont exactly know what it is that attracts me to her. She's talking to my sister now, which is like...going behind the back. I dont know if Im being paranoid, or if for whatever reason she is going to her because I've stopped talking altogether. Its easy to say all of this, but when I'm sitting here writing about it, its like...damn it all. I dont know if I should talk to her or not. I have the feeling if I keep waiting, she'll eventually talk. But at the same time, I want to tell her things, even though I know I shouldnt.
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'81 924 n/a

[skemcin]

Well, you might not be any different than I. One of the things that attracts me to my wife is the fact that she (and admittedly I) need help. And I know no one in her life is able to give it to her the way I feel I am able to. The trick has always been to portray that "help" as help in a way that is not perceived as critism. But, women are very sensitive to that. A man can take another man's critism and blow it off as ignornance (even if the other man is right - lol). But women (sorry to be generalizing) seem to be more sensitive and it is delicate to work with in conversation in that respect. So maybe, again, you are like me in that you feel what you are able to contribute to the relationship would somehow fill the void she has in here life as well as filling the one you probably do not even consciously recognize. You might feel that the relationship brings the tongue and grove together into one coesive unit and thats wht you might feel you need - that sense of strength by unity - that might be why you pursue this relationship. But I wonder if you persue it because it is the most accessible one available. I don;t know how old you are, but at 35, I am not sure where I would go if I was faced with having to find a woman capable of a lasting relationship - surely not at a bar or laundry mat (I could figure it out, please no one comment on that, geez). But my point is that you need to ask yourself are you trying to recreate the relationship for you, for her, or sincerely for the betterment of you both. If its not the latter, then you need to go elsewhere, IMO.

I would say, find your common denominator and find someone who naturally caters to it with little or no effort and hope that you can do the same for hers.
_________________
924.org (no time to complete)
9249206346 - 89k – new shifter bushings, belts, running well.
9249206347 - 8k – waiting its resurrection, no power at the fuel pump and fuse #7 blows w/power

[alxch1n15]

so fun update, as im sure you're all interested...ha.

well, after saying that she didnt want to talk, and that her friends were the only thing to help keep her from doing so, she talks to me. actually it came up last night, my friend decided it would be fun to drunk dial her, and well, she picked up! so we started talking again. and now she's done....forever. i'm sure in the morning ill be like...sh*tty, but right now, after that conversation, i am confident that she manipulates me, and herself. she said something about wanting to apologize for what has happened, but then when she talks with her friends about our relationship, for whatever reason a relationship cannot be personal anymore, her friends tell her not to feel what she feels. well...apparently i am not the only manipulative person in her life. so from this, i feel that whatever she does is fine, because it doesnt really matter to me much. let her feel whatever she feels, she has things that can help her, you know its like taking candy once a day, but 'neglects' to use them. so whatever on that part.

oh, and she started ripping on my parents. a very low blow if you ask me. apparently my mother, the 'psychology major,' should have seen my problems, and my father, because he chooses not to see some things, is a dumbass.

i caught myself a keeper eh? good thing it broke the line and decided to swim towards the hungry bear...
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'81 924 n/a

[skemcin]

good to hear you are able to accept the end result. good luck with the next fish you catch.

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924.org (no time to complete)
9249206346 - 89k – new shifter bushings, belts, running well.
9249206347 - 8k – waiting its resurrection, no power at the fuel pump and fuse #7 blows w/power

[Paul]

Cars and women, you can't live with or without them....
_________________
White 87 924S "Ghost"
Silver 98 986 3.6l 320 HP "Frank N Stein"
White 01 986 "Christine"
Polar Silver 02 996TT. "Turbo"
Owned and repaired 924s since 1977
Porsche: It's not driving, it's therapy.

[alxch1n15]

i just dont see myself making myself feel for her any longer
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'81 924 n/a

[Vince Ponz]

Being one of the oldest on this board I say run, fast.

There are about 170,000,000 women out there. One has your name on it or more if you try just a little. If you cannot get along at the beginning it only gets worse.

I have been married for 41 years and prior to that I had some horrible girl friends that I thought I loved. Maybe I just felt sorry for them.

Peter and 924Guy know my wife as does Soyracer. Peter Au had lunch with us in Australia a couple of years ago.
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"Never let them see you sweat"
77.5 924 modified track car
79 931 Euro stock
88 924S SE
87 911 Targa stock

[D Hook]

[Paul]

Yeah and the car can't take the house...
_________________
White 87 924S "Ghost"
Silver 98 986 3.6l 320 HP "Frank N Stein"
White 01 986 "Christine"
Polar Silver 02 996TT. "Turbo"
Owned and repaired 924s since 1977
Porsche: It's not driving, it's therapy.

[alxch1n15]

my 924 has been less maintence than she has been. its upsetting.
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'81 924 n/a