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alxch1n15 · Joined: 26 Nov 2004 Posts: 261 Location: Madison, Wisconsin

So, after taking a month away, dealing with a nasty break up, I'm sure pales in comparison to some things everyone on this board has delt with, I'm back. How do I deal with this event, everyone here is knowledgeable with this, so I'm putting the question to you. She seems to have an anti-social personality disorder, which sucks terribly. She doesnt seem to care about my feelings, generally. There's a lot more about her that I choose not to tell, but she didn't exactly have a princess's childhood. Knowing this and that, what do I do. Should I stay her friend? I care about her, and want the best for her, but she just seems to be using me to feel better. I guess I am at a point where I can keep giving, because I feel as though I know whats going on. Knowledge is power. I mean, thats not to say that I am not jealous of the things she does with other people, but I think everyone has that. Her friends, to me were always very inappropriate and not accepting of our relationship. So in terms of that, it sucked. Ideas? I'm all over the place here, sorry.

Alex
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'81 924 n/a

WhoDak · Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Posts: 492 Location: Akron, OH

Should be o/t... but if you were to be friends with her would you get something out of it? Think about it from your point of view. It seems kind of harsh, but I had to make a similar choice a while back and decided I can't let others sap the life out of me.

First advice though...go for a drive and clear your head.
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Mike
'82 924 N/A
'91 Toyota Pickup SR5 4x4 Xtra cab

alxch1n15 · Joined: 26 Nov 2004 Posts: 261 Location: Madison, Wisconsin

oh ive driven, 1000 miles in the last 4 days
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'81 924 n/a

Chrenan · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 3903 Location: Canada

Any reason to stay friendly on social terms? Did you have kids together? A pet you want to keep seeing?

If not, then make a clean break and move on. 50 years from now, who do you want to grow old with? A friend you dated in your youth who you barely talk to now, or your lovely wife who you met after this breakup and built a relationship with?
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1987 951 - M193 Version for Japan

alxch1n15 · Joined: 26 Nov 2004 Posts: 261 Location: Madison, Wisconsin

yeah, i understand that. im talking to her right now, and its like...no understanding can be reached. she changed so much for me, i never reciprocated....yadda yadda. her passive aggressiveness is astonishing, somehow continuing a discussion means to stop with it. its time to diffuse the situation. hm. its disgusting, she wants to be friends, but cant move forward. anything i do is wrong. its best to let sleeping dogs lie. but i know that ill be back again, arguing about the same old thing. i am ready to move on, to be friends with her.

she will admit that we're both wrong, agree to disagree. but she cant conclude anything, it always ends with her leaving. it litteraly went, "
\not to talk about it...
[11:59.18] \ her\ agree to disagree
[11:59.25] \ her\ again...something i have said numerous times
[11:59.31] \ me\....
[11:59.38] \me\ ok michelle
[11:59.39] \me\ you're right

then she logs off. i tried to diffuse the siutaiton, and come to some sort of an agreement or ending, but she was the one who is immaturely walking away. i dont know, help?
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'81 924 n/a

Ozzie · Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 6:43 am Post subject:

Be done with it- give it a break for awhile.
Being friends doesn't mean being in contact.
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Porsche 924 1984 (UK import) NA
Its AUTO and its BLACK
Montego Black on black/red
Engineer of Electro/Mechanical Systems Maintenance

Paul · Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 8:06 am Post subject:

Run and never look back, it will hurt a lot less.....
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White 87 924S "Ghost"
Silver 98 986 3.6l 320 HP "Frank N Stein"
White 01 986 "Christine"
Polar Silver 02 996TT. "Turbo"
Owned and repaired 924s since 1977
Porsche: It's not driving, it's therapy.

alxch1n15 · Joined: 26 Nov 2004 Posts: 261 Location: Madison, Wisconsin

I've always been told that when two or more people say something, then I should listen to it and take it into account. I am going to do that in this case. She isn't worth my worrying, although she used to be, but not now. Anyway, she never liked my p-car. I guess if what she's done in the past few weeks isn't enough for me to cut her away, then that should be. I guess the best lesson learned here is that an anti-social personailty disorder is not something that I am attracted to.

Hooray for the psychology major. I know big words now.

Thanks guys, if you have more advice, keep it coming.

Alex
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'81 924 n/a

leadfoot · Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 11:50 am Post subject:

By all means stay friends, but know your boundries, if you care for her then you might be able to influence her life in a positive way... it would do you both good to resolve your issues, the last thing you both want to do is drag it into the next relationship, it's how we grow by acknoledging our problems and dealing with them. Nobody's perfect and it takes effort on both sides to make a relationship work.

If you can't resolve your issues together then have you considered talking to her closest friends, family for advice.... even seeing a counciller together might help open up communication a little and if things don't work out then just let her know your there for her if she needs you.
Leadfoot
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1981 ROW 924 Turbo -
carbon fiber GT mish mash
LS1 conversion in progress...

sequential · Joined: 18 Nov 2005 Posts: 500 Location: BANNED

Ahem ,
are we talking about a 924 Here ! sounds like your car is in a bad way and there is nothing like a NEW CAR TO FORGET THE OLD ONE WITH the blown headgasket even if she has a good body kit and wheels, it is better to get rid of it and buy newer and better, money better spent in the long run.

and when you trade in , do not look back pull the gears as hard as possible.......................................
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928 gts prototype
baby blue engine block
steam in 1,2,3,4 sometimes
cold star issues while on stands
112 whp with new 4 valve head and MIS 2

koolkarateguy · Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 11:25 am Post subject:

She's psycho ...move on . If you have a car , a place to live and food that's all you need . I've come to the conclusion that wimmin are baked . My car might only be metal,rubber and plastic .....but if there is something wrong with it , I can fix it . And when there is something wrong ...it lets me know , no bs ...no dickering ... and when whatever I am fixing is giving me grief ...if I swear at it ....it doesn't hold it against me . Not that I'm bitter or anything .......

pocketscience · Posted: Wed May 31, 2006 12:24 pm Post subject:

Stampedetrail · Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 274 Location: Fairbanks, Alaska

Just stop communicating with her regularly. Not easy, but a big payoff waits for you my friend. If she's really in trouble & needs some real help, you can help her-- that way you can technically stay her friend. But if you spend too much time with her, people will think you're still going out, and she may think she can take advantage of your feelings-- not good for you. Girls go crazy when they think you no longer give a damn about them. If she just wants to chit-chat, make up some excuse like you need to go adjust your valves or something. After a week of being ignored she'll likely ring your phone off the wall, but if not, you've got all kinds of other choices. And a Porsche.
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1977.5 924 "Martini" head / New Old Stock rebuild
1985.5 944 Why? Because I can.

alxch1n15 · Joined: 26 Nov 2004 Posts: 261 Location: Madison, Wisconsin

I'm trying to do everything aformentioned. Its hard as hell, that I'm sure everyone knows and has experienced. I thank everyone for helping me out with this, I know its very impersonal, and slightly odd that I do this over the 924 forum, but you're a great group of people, and I know that your word can be trusted.

On the fly, she emailed me back... Didn't respond to it. She did however, email me again asking if I had a book of hers. She knows that I don't have it, I think she just wants to start talking again. I don't know. I'm ignoring it though. I'll keep you all updated, as I'm sure eventually, when I feel better about the situation, and things keep going on, it'll become a 'game' again.

Alex
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'81 924 n/a

Stampedetrail · Joined: 29 May 2005 Posts: 274 Location: Fairbanks, Alaska

Lol, sweet!
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1977.5 924 "Martini" head / New Old Stock rebuild
1985.5 944 Why? Because I can.