924Board.org

[procon]

How do you get a nun pregnant?

F*** her!

How do nuns get laid?

They dress like altar boys!

[wdb]

I dont know if any of this is true , buts its too funny not to pass on .

http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_bushisms.html

[procon]

What's going on in the car forums?

Bentley Forums
- - - I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird Forums
- - - My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang (Chevelle) forums
- - -Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forums
- - -Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forums
- - -Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- - - The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo Forum
- - - When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- - - Wind noise around 210MPH

Miata forums
- - - Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- - -Miata stuck in my undercarriage. How do I safely remove it? (pics)

Pontiac Fiero forum
- - - Just bought a new flame retardant suit (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- - - Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- - - Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Chevy Suburban Forum
- - - Is the price of gas going down anytime soon?

Buick Forum
- - - Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- - - Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- - - How come people never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- - - Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- - - Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forums
- - - Need suggestions about a business trip to Colombia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forums
- - - Tire just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forums
- - - Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar forum
- - - Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mercedes forum
- - - My wife and her stink hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Mini forum
- - - Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- - - I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?

McLaren F1 forum
- - -Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- - - Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- - - Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
- - -Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- - - I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- - - How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

SRT Forums
"Will this void my warranty"

RX7 Forums
- - - 13B Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me.

DSM Forums
- - -Transmission Groupbuy Full stop PM'ing me

Supra Forums
- - -Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Vette Forums
- - -Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier steering wheel?

Ford 2.3 forums
- - -Help! Replaced everything, still doesn't start!

[Khal]

Brilliant procon... that's getting sent to a few of my mates!
_________________
'80 924 Turbo

[procon]

[procon]

Acronyms for automobile brands
PORSCHE:
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough


Blonde and a Porsche

Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

[procon]

A fellow bought a new Porsche and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Porsche," he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100..... "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.

[tj924]

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two, shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son "Go get your mother."
_________________
TJ
Silver '82 924 NA 5-Speed Manual

[Porschephile]

Q: What happens if Micheal Jackson gets caught 1 more time?

A: They'll give him his own Parish
_________________
werd B.

[procon]

In a city park stood two statues, one female, and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that command, the statues came to life.
The two statues smiled at each other, ran towards some nearby woods, and dived behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues,"You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure, - But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head!"

[tj924]

Since the elections are now over...

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.

He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I
have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even
let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool
of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a
sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked
on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah,
I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said.... "Monica, you're free to go!"
_________________
TJ
Silver '82 924 NA 5-Speed Manual

[tj924]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is Staring.

He replies, I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you. She answers, My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as
I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask hat I would find offensive.

Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me. She responds, Well, let's see what we can do about that.

#1 - you have to be single
#2 - you must be Catholic.

The cab driver is very excited and says, Yes, I'm single and Catholic! OK, the Nun says. Pull into the next alley. The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

My dear child, said the Nun, why are you crying?

Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm Jewish.

The Nun says, That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.
_________________
TJ
Silver '82 924 NA 5-Speed Manual

[5150]

Two brothers aged 7 and 4 are talking one morning. The 7-year old says "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go down for breakfast I'll swear first, then you try it."

At breakfast their mum asks what cereal they want. The 7-year old says "Sh*t mum, I think I'll have Cornflakes." Shocked, his mum slaps him and sends him to his room. Once she's calmed down she asks the 4-year old what cereal he wants. He replies "I don't know, but it sure won't be f*cking Cornflakes!"
_________________
Mars Red '78 Euro 924 n/a
http://www.cardomain.com/id/5150_uk

Graphite? Grey Metallic '85 (late model) 944 2.5

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

[teo]

Two hunters are walking in a distant forest, one suddenly drops dead. Eyes wide open, no breath just plain dead. The other gets the mobile phone, calls for help.
- My friend just dropped dead here in the forest, what should I do to help?
-Calm down, first thing you have to do is to make sure he's dead.
A little silence over the phone, then the paramedic hears a BANG.
- Ok, what now?

[procon]

A gay mushroom walks into a bar & sits down.
The bartender says, We don't serve your kind in here!
To which the mushroom replies, Why I'm a fun guy.